Mother-in-law, Daughter-in-law

A few days ago I was getting a pedicure and became engaged in a lively and thought-provoking conversation. The two women, one of them the owner of the shop, I have known for many years. They are both young mothers in their early thirties. The topic was the relationship of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. We all three asked and answered questions quite freely and candidly, and I came away with new perspectives from their open and honest comments. This was helpful, because some of that ground might not be easily covered by ones in the actual relationship because of the inherent possibility of treading on feelings.

I have two daughters-in-law. I could not have done better if God had allowed me to design them myself. They have been marvelous blessings to both my sons and me. Due to geographical differences, however, our relationships have been slow to develop. One of them I only see a couple of times a year; the other I see a somewhat more often because she lives closer. Both the young mothers in the shop live near their mothers-in-law and see them frequently. As a result, they are more accustomed to one another's qualities and idiosyncrasies. I laughed at their stories of the misunderstandings and resolutions, because I understood all too well.

Ridiculously, I wanted to be the perfect mother-in-law (I AM NOT!). I am certain that I have inadvertently offended both girls more often than I know. The times I DID know and tried to rectify I just seemed to make it worse! (Are you laughing yet? I'm certain you would never see a blog like this entitled Father-in-law, Son-in-law!!) On the other side of that, I have allowed my feelings to be hurt by what I was certain later to be a totally innocent action or comment. The point is, if we always give each other the benefit of the doubt, we would realize that never on purpose would either of us hurt the other. In John 16:1 Jesus said, "These things I have spoken to you that you should not be offended." He was expounding on the love walk in John 15. That really went off inside of me as I pondered the discourse that I had had with the two young women. Another consideration was Ephesians 4:2: "Living as becomes you--with complete lowliness of mind and meekness with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another. " (Amp.)

I cannot ever recall my mother-in-law offending me even one time in twenty-one years.. That sets the bar pretty high for me. I hope that as the years go by my relationship with my daughters-in-law continues to flourish. Just because I am older does not mean I always have a better idea. There is so much for us to gain from each other. May we continue to extend the love and mercy to each other that holds us like an anchor to solid ground of mutual respect. And maybe, with their help, I'll reach that bar.